and the world is still turning.
So tonight is all about John Barrett and everyone who is missing someone desperately over this Christmas. There is something about this time of year - the consumer excess and the emotional duress that seems to begin in September and bombard everyone's emotions for months on end. It does seem that so many tragic events occur near Christmas, but in reality they occur year round but seem more emotive during this time of year.
All the quilts needed as gifts have been completed and I even managed to squeeze in an extra one today. I have been working on a secret project and it is progressing well - just a few more hours. And it's been the kind of project where I have had a lot of time to think. Generally I have a reasonably positive outlook on life - I survived a divorce when my son was 18 months old, I coped with being a single parent for the next 10 years, I had a good job and owned my own house and then I met John Barrett.
I actually had a date with John a few months after we met while we were both working for Fuji Photofilm. But it didn't amount to anything and despite him calling me every day at work to ask me for another date, I always declined (every working day for 3 years!). Then I left Fuji and lost touch until a mutual friend told me that he had been in hospital for surgery. So I wrote him a letter to ask how he was doing, and he replied but that was the end of that. Then I was asked to return to Fuji and after a few weeks of working and him calling me, on May 9th (his birthday) I joined him for lunch and agreed to a date - we were married 3 months later.
My son was 12 years old and as a package I think we were a bit of a shock to John, but he was a trooper. He may never have been a father but over the years he was a father figure and a mentor to lots of children. They all kept in touch with him and he loved them all - my son, Michael, gave him 'Father of the Groom' cufflinks at his wedding (not to his real father) - it meant a lot to John.
John was not a veteran or a hero, but he was a good man. He was not perfect, but he was laid back, calm and understanding. Since I am a workaholic we had to work things out - once he thought I had been working long enough he brought me a glass of wine - my trigger to quit for the day. He loved to shop (I hate shopping) and given a list he could go to any store and ignore the list completely!
We didn't do a whole lot together - he loved to watch TV and I hated that, so we worked it out and I did handcrafting work and read a lot. I wish now that I had been more patient and more relaxed - what is so important about work that it is more pressing than spending time with your loved one?
Contact with John's family has become a little sketchy because of the distance. I miss talking to his sister and his niece and wish that the miles between us didn't keep us apart. The same goes for my own family - my son and his life seem a long way away and things happen without communication. In fairness, that works both ways, out of sight is truly out of mind. I have been too busy to pay attention to them, and they have a life that makes it difficult to pay attention to me - it's the price to pay for choosing to live so far away. John and I discussed this before moving to the US, but it seems entirely different since he died.
In truth, I can't go back to the UK - my life is tied up here in the USA. I love the area, the weather and my lifestyle. I also have more opportunities here and I can fulfill my ambitions. The visa issue every five years is a pain, but one I will continue to endure so that I can stay.
So - to close - I miss my husband more than I can say - we were soulmates, team mates and partners. We loved, bickered, planned, conspired and succeded together and had a lot of fun that I never realised. Never take love for granted - it's a rare and special thing.
No comments:
Post a Comment